The Futball Muse

Romantic Comedy

Screenplay by Alan Nafzger


What happens when the NINE daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne begin following the worse professional futball team, and begin dating TEN of the troubled players? Traditionally, the Muses are responsible for motivation, but who knows?


Traditionally, the Muses are responsible for motivation. They are the personification of knowledge and the arts, especially literature, dance and music. They are the nine daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne.

Alan Nafzger Unproduced Screenplay
Alan Nafzger

Sparks fly when the NINE daughters begin following a professional futball team, and begin dating TEN troubled players?

Of course the team is in last place and the stands are empty. The players are so shamed they don’t go to night clubs or even out to eat while at home. They are afraid of being jeered out of the stadium. It is so bad they are eating meals from drive-thru windows and shopping for groceries in the middle of the night. The owner is sick of the wasted payroll and they are all traded away for top quality rookies. As a compromise with the general manager, the pitchers stay.

All nine players of the new players are single. The owner has traded all the established players and hires rookies who he says are still “hungry”. The day they are called up from the minors, there are nine women waiting at the stadium entrance. The nine muses all get a “sacred magical” autograph. Each player is deficient in some area or skill. Magically each player signs for the muse who can offer what he needs on the field.

Cali — The Forward is an Internet freak and his goal are twitter followers. He signs for Calliope “Cali”, who works as a literature teacher and writes epic poetry. Once they begin dating, she holds his smart phone and chronicles the team in poetry via twitter. He is motivated with twitter followers. The more the merrier. This is something similar to the poem Casey at Bat, by Ernest Lawrence Thayer. The futball media loves this relationship.

Clio — The Wing Forward signs for Clio, who works as a librarian and inspires her date with history of futball . He was raised in rural Venezuela and hasn’t been exposed to the great long tradition of American futball . He finds her stories from the past inspiring.

Melody — The Center Forward is best inspired with music. Euterpe “Melody” is a songwriter and inspires her date with songs. Soon the stands are singing along with her at the game. She is invited to sing the national anthem a few times and at the 7th inning stretch. As the team improves, her futball songs become a local radio sensation.

Lovie — The Midfielder is interested in futball sure but mostly in the women drawn to the game. Erato “Lovie” is the most sexy muse. As he signs the front of Erato’s shirt, she whispers erotic poetry. He responds with great inspired play. Not entirely monogamous, Era also asks and receives the autograph of the team’s manager; she is risque with him also.

Mel — The Halfback is the son of a working class man. Melpomene “Mel” is a welder and asks him to sign her welding mask just under the team logo. She warns him about an opposing player who is going to spike him. He is able to avoid tragedy numerous times because of her insight.

Poly — The center fielder is the son of a Baptist preacher and signs for Polyhymnia “Poly”. She is the muse of sacred music. She invites him to church and she exposes him to an entire new gospel music.

Delight – The Center Midfielder is something of a klutz; he trips and falls several times. His coaches can’t work out these issues but Terpsichore “Delight“ is a dance teacher. As she inspired him to dance, his play improves.

Joy — The Goalkeeper is tense and unable to relax. Thalia “Joy” is bar tender at standup comedy club; she has been whispering jokes to the comedians. She knows every joke and can complete them before someone delivers the punch line. She dresses up in silly costumes and displays funny signs at the games. The lighter he feels the better he plays.

Star – The Left Defender has reoccurring dreams of hitting the ball into space. He has no idea what planets of stars are visible. When there is a night game; he targets a star and swings. Urania “Star” is a research assistant in Astronomy; she teaches him the name of what he is shooting for and he is inspired by nights looking at and learning about the stars.

Juana – The Center Defender has been through an ugly divorced. Sick of the lies, innuendo and media coverage of his private life, his game has been effected. Juana is not the daughter of Zeus; she is the illegitimate child of a Mexican army Captain and a Criollo woman. She isn’t a magical muse, however she inspires the pitcher and he rises out of the hole that was dug for him. The “tenth muse” in literature was Juana Inés de la Cruz, Mexico’s greatest female poet.



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